Words cannot adequately describe how special this past weekend has been to me. Yes, I know that there will be a new temple in my state (AZ) and that the age requirements for missionary service were lowered. But, that wasn't the eye opening experience that I witnessed through a spiritual confirmation. I know that not all the people reading this post may be religious in any way but I felt it pertinent to share something near and dear to me that has changed my outlook on life. I believe that our Heavenly Father blesses us with tender mercies that we many times don't see until we reflect prayerfully. Let's go back 6-7 years ago:
My Family
Pretty typical in most peoples' view to see a family like this. It was for us too. We were like any other family. We fought, argued, bickered, cried, tattled and complained until we were sent to bed by our bewildered, exhausted parents. Yet, there were also sweet moments of love where we discussed, played, supported and served one another. It seemed at times that these warm moments were fleeting, however, the tender times as a family were far more precious second for second than any hour long rampage could have valued.
My Parents
Yes. It was the 80s. My parents were always busy doing the very best they could to take care of us and make sure that we would live honorable lives of character and integrity. As a child I viewed them as flawless people who loved the Lord and sought his counsel to lead our family back to heaven. As I grew up to become a teenager, the flaws slowly came into view as I realized that shortcomings are apparent in all human beings. Strangely enough, no matter the flaws, I saw their deep and abiding love for me and my siblings and it dwarfed their weaknesses to the point that I viewed their mistakes as trivial. They loved each other and were committed to support each other even when the times got hard. Well, the times got real hard.
Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.
The cancer was aggressive, but we were just as aggressive to give dad the best chance at life. Months came and went filled with sleepless nights soon to follow the next day with a session of chemotherapy or radiation.
The time soon came to me to serve my mission.
My dad sat me down one day to ask me something that quickly brought a slap of reality to my narrow mind. "I want you to know that I look forward to the day that you will return from your mission, but if I am not here to see you return, will you come home?" The knot in my stomach rises to my throat as I tried to fight he tears. "No, I will stay." Later, the day arrived for me to leave. I hugged everyone good bye. Dad hugged me tightly and said, "Don't come home."
From that day on I was committed to being the best missionary I could possibly be and to commit myself to serving the Lord to the best of my abilities. Then the real test arrived.
My phone rang at 1:30 am on May 23, 2010. It was my mom. Dad was gone.
I have never prayed like I did during that time as a missionary. I fought to utter words of help to my Heavenly Father through my uncontrollable sobbing. The sorrow was a physical anguish that shook me to exhaustion. I continued to pray. Then as I concluded praying after my ridiculous episode of sobbing, (hopefully my companion couldn't hear) I had this tantalizing rush of warmth run from my head, down my back and out to my shoulders, which then enveloped all the way to my front. The only thing I could think of at that moment was one simple phrase.
"He has finished, I need him on this side now."
I cannot deny what I experienced. The peace was nothing of this earthly experience. The spirit was there and reminded me of the eternal plan God. He needed my dad. And He needed me to be His disciple and share this joyful plan of salvation to everyone. 7 months into my mission, my vision of His work was expanded and I did everything I could to share His gospel and invite people to come unto Christ and find peace.
My mission means EVERYTHING to me!
Well, things have changed a lot within these 7 years. I honestly wouldn't believe this would happen to us if someone told us way back in 2005. Yet it has and even though dad is not here with us, we have grown so much stronger as a family; we have come closer as we have clung to the gospel of Jesus Christ. We are happy and we are blessed. We are still not free from trials but we can face no matter what comes our way. I owe God so much for the many blessings I have in my life and the many things I have learned. We will all be back together someday in heaven.
I KNOW the tender mercies of the Lord are real in each of our lives if we will simply seek Him.
I'm not entirely sure what to say except that was probably the best thing I've read in a while. Even though I can't understand what you went through, I miss him too because he became a friend of mine. Right before I left on my mission, and was getting ready to go to the temple, I had a request for him. I said that even if he didn't make it (physically), I still expected him to be there when I went through the temple. He ended up passing away a few days after that. I was grateful that your mom was able to make it, but I believe your dad was there in spirit too. Your family became sort of like another family for me. I love all of them and wish the best for you (all). I guess I would like to thank you on behalf of all of your family for being awesome. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteDevin, I didn't know about your dad, and I'm so sorry. I wish I could say I know what you're feeling, but something I've come to understand is that even though two people can go through the same loss, it doesn't mean their experiences are the same. Even as I'm typing this I can feel a lump in my throat as I remember losing my own amazing father and the differences that I've felt ever since then. But what I can say is that, like you, I also received the confirmation that there was great work to be done on the other side for my dad. It really didn't make not having him any easier, especially in those milestones in my life: graduation, going to college, getting married (especially the Daddy/Daughter dance at the reception...trivial, but still sad), when I would have wished that he was there. The greatest consolation that I can give and that I have felt is that the Lord grants our loved ones to be with us when we have those special days or even sometimes when we're having trials. I find solace in knowing that my dad will always be with me in my heart, and that he'll be there for all of those special times. And what's wonderful is that I am married to a truly wonderful man who can feel my dad's spirit even though he never met him, and I know it will be that way for my children someday, too.
ReplyDeleteI hope that your mom is doing well with her new husband and I hope that you know that your dad is definitely proud of you. You are such an amazing man, and I'm so grateful to know you. I miss you a ton, but I'm also proud of you. Keep the faith, friend, and thank you for such a touching post and insight.
Love always and best wishes,
Amber Rose